hello to my sweet little blog space and apologies for the time apart.
I dropped out of university, watched my friends graduate, applied for the same job I had at 18 and rested. My mental health and self confidence took a hit - but I'm working on it.
Dropping out of university is a hard enough decision to make by yourself, but is made even harder when others ask "What's next?"
I don't know.
I'd hoped to re-enter education. Combine logic with creativity, perhaps web development or computer science... but I didn't feel inspired when looking at courses. I'd hoped to finish my degree one day, remotely, but not many places offer studying a maths degree from home (with the modules I'd like) and I'm also in no rush to go back into that world. I'd hoped to create accessible learning resources online so that nobody else would have to face the same issues I had, but I'm not confident in my skills nor feel qualified. Anything within education feels a little too much at the moment, and that's okay. There is no rush.
Instead, I have been living slowly. I enjoy my job, I love the people I work with and my family and friends that I'm surrounded by. I wake up in the morning happy and content, which is something I haven't felt for a very long time. People still ask "What's next?" but I'm quite happy enjoying the present. Life ebbs and flows and I'll know once I'm inspired again.
I have been telling myself to practise childish curiosity and self belief. I am the same person as I was at 4, starting primary school, 12, recognised as smart in secondary school, 16, with 12 A*-B GCSEs, 19 and about to start my maths degree. I hold the same potential as each version of me. I used to write stories for fun and consume books like they were air. I'd draw every day. I didn't doubt I was smart.
I have been trying to change the way I talk about myself. To give myself the comfort of childish naivety, that anything is possible and that I'm capable of anything I put my mind to. I have been reminding others to do the same.
Exploring Edification was started as a way to document my development in education and in myself. This is an honest post to show that sometimes, you grow and develop in ways you can't predict... and that's okay.
As for what's next... who knows?
anything is possible :)
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