It's been almost four months since I received my exam results and although I was sure that I would keep the online world up to date with this years' antics, naturally reality got in the way.
So, what happened?
I partied HARD until all of my friends left for university, at which point I realised I was lonely and should probably start looking for work. It took between two weeks and a month before I started hearing back from companies, and it was towards October I had my first interview. I was lucky enough to be offered a job at my local Pandora store, and bar work for a club not too far from me. I took both on, thinking I'd be able to handle it, but as the weekends wore on, I grew anxious in my tired state. I had to give up one or the other, and rather than sacrifice my nocturnal social life, I chose to stay on in retail.
At first I was sure that should I have to give one up, it would be Pandora - I had so much to learn and I didn't have any previous knowledge, nor interest in jewellery. However, as the weeks wore on and I grew closer with my colleagues and more familiar with the products (I was working there more frequently than on the bar), my confidence increased and it became a joy to wake up to. I sent my resignation to the club a mere month after I had started working there with a wholehearted apology, because although I loved it, it wasn't healthy for me to stay on.
Looking back, this whole process has shown me that I am capable of more than I believe. Of the three months I've been working, I've only had to call in sick once for my mental health, and that was while I was working both jobs (no doubt lack of sleep had an input there). I don't think I've had such a successful streak of attendance since starting sixth form in 2016, which is a huge step in the right direction for me.
To note, I'm taking medication for my mental health (citalopram), periods and low iron - since being on iron tablets I've felt such incredible change. I no longer have the urge to binge snack (unless in the name of self-care), and I have enough energy to not need a daily nap. I've even signed up at a local gym and have fallen in love with exercise again! I still have my moments, but I've tracked them down to being monthly, so I'm able to blame my cycle for that one. It feels nice to be alive. Genuinely. Even if I have no idea what I'm doing, or what the future holds, I can see the light in every day and it is beautiful.
Of course, I am questioning everything. Is maths the right route for me? When applying for jobs I'm always more drawn to the creative sector - is that a sign? Or is it simply because all the financial jobs are far too daunting for me to even consider applying to? I'll figure it all out one day, maybe.
Take care of each other. Happy birthday, happy Christmas, and happy New Year!
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