Hello beautiful fellows,
It has been just over a YEAR since I last sat down and typed up a blog post on my life. You lucky bastards. However, I'm back to my narcissistic ways and am ready to talk some more about ME. Also, we're stuck in quarantine, so neither of us have anything better to do.
I started university. I hated it. I stayed on until Christmas, deciding that I'd see the year through before making a final decision. I fell in love with my university in second term (ok, its students), and decided a little too late that I actually wanted to study at Royal Holloway. Then a little bug named Covid-19 decided to fuck shit up, so here I am, on the eve of my second exam, procrastinating from home.
As somebody with mental health issues, the adjustment to university was tough for a few reasons.
One of the side effects of both depression and the
medication used to treat it, is that I sleep too much -
having to motivate myself to go to my lectures, without a parent yelling at me to do so, was something I struggled with a LOT. Luckily, my super fantastic amazingly fit bestie who also happened to be on my course, lived just a house away from me, so we would walk together. Unless we were both feeling particularly depressed... then we'd just send each other Tik Toks until the world seemed brighter.
I struggled to meet new people after the initial thrown-together freshers week bonanza. I had my flatmates, my course mates, and I wanted to meet people through a society too, but the socs at RHUL aren't particularly social unless you're experienced in sport... which I am not. I'd seen what my friends from home had at other universities and I felt like I was missing out. I think it was this idea of FOMO that made first term seem so glum.
Just as we shouldn't compare people, sometimes comparing universities is a bad idea too. Of course, the nightlife could definitely be improved, but if a McDonalds or Wetherspoons ever came to Egham, I would be even deeper in debt than I already am. The SU isn't so bad, although I'd definitely appreciate it if they lowered their prices *hint hint*.
I managed to suffer heartbreak in first term too, after meeting somebody over the summer. Life's a bitch - giving you good people and snatching them away from you just as fast. This led to lots of sleeping, lots of naps and lots of dozing. I usually had my lunch at midnight during this period because my sleeping schedule was so intense.
Turns out maths is hard. Turns out I should have definitely revised during my gap year, considering my grades weren't top-notch. Turns out I'm not as naturally mathematically-tuned as I thought, and, get this, I actually need to practise and go over what's been taught? What a scam. I can't believe I actually have to work HARD to get this degree.
I would have appreciated my all of my lectures being recorded, but the maths department believed that
it would impact attendance if lectures were available online. This made term one tricky, because after my heartbreak and glum look on university, I wasn't moving from my bed. It took me a long time to sort out my disability form with the university, partially because it's a longwinded process, and partially because I wasn't moving from my bed. Hello? I am sad and anxious there is no WAY that I'm venturing to a part of the university I haven't visited before and have no idea where on campus it is and do you not know that emails take a lot of effort (that a depressed person simply does not have) to send?
Anyway, obviously the day before the deadline for term one extenuating circumstances applications, I finally found the motivation to compose that email. I needed the opportunity to get some marks... although I still haven't completed the worksheets I was applying for extra time on.
Perhaps I make too many excuses... but I'm blaming it on the corona virus.
Take each day as it comes. Give yourself, others and your university a chance. A couple of my friends experienced a similar feeling to me, hating university at Christmas and loving it by the end of summer term.
Don't blame yourself if things don't feel or go how you expected them to. It's a huge jump, living independently, managing your work and timetable, being shoved into a new place with new faces. Take a breath, and good luck!
I hope this exam season goes well for you, and may any freshers have a brilliant first year for 2020/21 (should we not become online robots).
Lots of love xx
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